The Aspects of Healing Nobody Talks About

I‘ve always imagined healing to be a soft and gentle process, full of clarity and serene breezes. But what is not often talked about is the fact that it could also be ugly, hurtful and exhausting. That it could make you question everything  and anything.

Notwithstanding, healing is the gentle, tender process of restoring wholeness and balance to our bodies, minds, and spirits. It's the slow, sweet unfolding of recovery, where every layer of our being is nurtured and rejuvenated.

However, there are multiple truths to healing that don't get talked about enough. Let's dive into them!

Healing is Not Always Pretty

The first time I decided to truly heal was, of course, years ago, after a particularly bad emotional sensation I had experienced. I had thought—at first—that if I didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t affect me, but to my greatest surprise the feeling, the hurt and the pain were actually what triggered the healing process. 

From the onset, it felt like I had ripped off a bandage, only to realize the wound underneath was still fresh and bleeding. Like I said, healing is not a magical moment of enlightenment—mine was raw, painful, and sometimes downright unbearable.

There were nights I cried myself to sleep, mourning things I didn’t even know I had lost, only that they were no longer with me and the absence hurt. Some days, I felt so numb that even breathing felt like a chore. And in the silence of my own transformation—when I did realize I was transforming, healing— it hit me; that nobody ever talks about this part—the part where you feel worse before you feel better.

The Grief of Letting Go

The first part of healing that is rarely talked about is the act of letting go. Letting go isn’t always about a single moment of goodbye—it’s a quiet realization that lingers, a soft ache that comes in waves, renewing itself in surprising ways.

You might wake up one day and find that the things you once loved no longer bring you joy. The conversations that used to feel endless now feel strained. The people you thought you’d walk through life with are suddenly walking in a different direction.

And that’s okay. Growth is not a betrayal; it’s an evolution.

Healing requires you to release, to trust that in letting go, you are making space for something new—something better suited for the person you are becoming. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love those moments, those people, or those past versions of yourself. It simply means you love yourself enough to move forward.

It’s not always easy, however it’s necessary. And as time passes, you’ll find comfort in knowing that what is meant for you will never require you to shrink yourself to fit.

The Guilt of Becoming ‘Selfish’

After letting go, we often experience a shift towards self-prioritization. We realize that we haven't been putting our needs first, and this awareness prompts us to start saying 'no' more frequently. However, this newfound assertiveness can sometimes be accompanied by feelings of guilt, which can lead to self-doubt and queries like: 'What if others think I've become uncaring or selfish?' or 'What if they think I've changed and no longer prioritize our relationship?

The truth is, you have changed. And not everyone will or can understand. Setting boundaries didn’t make me selfish, but it did make some people uncomfortable. As I stood firm in my own space, I had to learn to accept that some people only loved the version of me that was convenient for them.

Healing Can Make You Unrecognizable

Sometimes healing makes you feel like you're changing. You can just wake up one morning, look in the mirror and barely recognize yourself. Not because your face changed, but because your eyes hold a different kind of strength. One that no longer finds comfort in the things that once defined you.

You no longer laugh at the same jokes, and no longer feel the need to explain yourself or chase validation.

It is terrifying, but it often brings with it a sense of unfamiliarity that can be liberating.

Healing is Not Linear

I wish someone had told me that healing is not a straight road. There were days I felt on top of the world, convinced I had ‘made it,’ only to spiral back into old wounds a week later. The frustration of feeling like I was regressing almost made me give up.

But then I realized—healing is not about never feeling pain again. It’s about handling that pain differently. It’s about falling and knowing you can get back up—nay, getting back up better than you did the last time. It’s about giving yourself permission to move at your own pace.

The Fear of Happiness After Trauma

This is obviously the hardest lesson of all. After years of struggling, I had become so used to chaos that peace felt unnatural. I second-guessed my happiness, waiting for something to go wrong.

When something good did happen, I braced for the worst. When I felt joy, I reminded myself that it might not last.

But healing meant unlearning that fear. It meant allowing myself to feel joy without guilt. It meant realizing that I deserved happiness—not because I had suffered, but because I was human.

I’ll hold your hands while reading this cos when I first saw it I wanted my hands held: a wise quote by Rumi goes like this—”The wound is the place where the light enters you.”

Deep, right?

It simply means that our wounds and struggles (either physical or emotional) can actually be the pathways for deeper learning and transformation.

Rather than seeing our wounds as burdens or weaknesses, we are to be reminded that they are the very openings through which the light of wisdom, growth and renewal can flood into our lives.

As we navigate the complex and often painful process of healing, let's come together to support and uplift one another. Remember, your wounds can transform into sources of strength and wisdom.

You can do this by:

• Sharing Your Story: Share your personal journey of healing in the comments below. Your words could be a beacon of hope for someone who needs to hear them.

• Asking for Support: What aspects of healing have you found most challenging? Ask your questions, and let's explore them together.

• Connecting with Others: If this post resonated with you, consider sharing it with a friend or loved one who might benefit from it. Healing is often more profound when shared with others.

• Reflecting and Healing: Take a moment to journal about your healing journey. What truths have you uncovered? What fears are you ready to release?

Fun Fact:

Did you know that your body has a built-in "rewiring" mechanism that can actually reorganize and adapt your brain's neural connections in response to new experiences and learning? This phenomenon is called neuroplasticity!

In essence, your brain is capable of reorganizing itself to compensate for injuries, adapt to new skills, and even heal from past traumas. This means that, with the right tools and mindset, you can literally rewire your brain to overcome phobias, anxiety, and even physical limitations!

The fun thing about this fact is that I've gone through this process!